


I've Loved You My Whole Fucking Life

by justyourtypicalfangirl



Series: Reddie Through the Years [1]
Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Aged-Up Losers Club (IT), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Boys In Love, Eddie Kaspbrak Lives, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Fix-It, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Losers Club (IT) Friendship, Love Confessions, M/M, Mutual Pining, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Stan's not in this one, they just really love each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 09:37:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21195545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/justyourtypicalfangirl/pseuds/justyourtypicalfangirl
Summary: Richie would rather die than live in a world without Eddie. He nearly managed to make that come true.-Fix-It AU where Richie saves Eddie, and they get to finally be happy.





	I've Loved You My Whole Fucking Life

Richie felt like he was floating. His vision was white and fuzzy, which was alarming within itself, but what scared him was the fact that he felt like his feet weren’t on the ground. His ears were deaf, not a single ringing or sound. He couldn’t even hear himself breathe. What had happened? 

Last thing he remembered was throwing rocks at the stupid, gigantic clown and taunting it away from his friends. Then everything went white. And now he was floating. He couldn’t move his eyes to look around, he couldn’t feel anything. He tried to just squeeze his fists together, but found that he couldn’t feel his fingers or his palms. Was he dead?

The moment the thought crossed his mind, he felt himself falling. The white surrounding him wasn’t moving per se, but he was plummeting down. He tried to scream, but couldn’t feel his mouth. No noise escaped him and he felt like his heart was going to pound right out of his chest (if he could have felt it at all).

When he landed, the world around him was spinning. He gained back all of his senses, but everything still felt fuzzy. He blinked rapidly, trying to adjust his eyes to the dark he was now in. He rubbed them underneath his glasses and looked around. The first thing he noticed was Ben and Beverly standing nearby, Ben’s hand lying protectively on her arm. They seemed apprehensive and anxious, covered in what looked like blood and dirt. 

“Bev…” he tried to say, but his voice sounded jumbled, as if he were underwater. Was he a ghost? He followed their eyes and gasped softly at what he saw. It had fallen backwards and had a pike sticking out of its mouth. Across from It, he saw himself. His eyes were opaque and lost, and Richie finally understood that that was him right then. He was out of his own body watching this all happen. The deadlights had hit him.

“Richie!” Eddie’s voice shrilled and it sounded nervous and excited all at once. Richie felt his heart soar when he saw that Eddie was okay, “I did it! I think I did it!”

Richie watched his own body gasp awake, his eyes clearing as he looked up at Eddie. He watched on in confusion, wondering why he hadn’t woken up with this Richie. _I watched you all die._

Richie’s eyes widened and he looked around frantically, trying to locate all of his friends. Who was it? Who was about to die? Bev’s scream cut him off and he whirled around to see his absolute worst nightmare coming true. He felt his breath stop in his throat as he watched Eddie being lifted up into the air, a filthy claw sticking out of his chest. Eddie was whimpering, looking down helplessly at it, blood spluttering out of his mouth and onto the Richie below him. 

“R-Richie…”

It flung Eddie off of its claw back into the entrance of the cavern, and Richie watched his friends and himself spring into action to go find Eddie. He was shaking. He wasn’t breathing. Suddenly, he was screaming, dropping onto his fuzzy-feeling knees and willing the black to creep away from his vision.

He was whisked away a second later and wound up in the middle of an empty street, but he just squeezed his eyes shut and curled himself up on the concrete. He refused to watch the rest of them die. He couldn’t handle that after watching Eddie’s impaled body being tossed to the side like garbage. _Eddie, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie._

He kept his eyes screwed shut and he remained in his ball, ignoring the sound of a male scream and a car horn honking loudly. The scream sounded like Mike, but Richie wasn’t paying enough attention. He went through each scene in the same manner, listening to Bill’s last words, Bev’s final breath, and Ben’s heavy sobs before a bullet pierced his skull. Richie wanted to wake up. Why wasn’t he waking up?

His eyes cleared instantly, and he gasped for breath. The fuzzy feeling around him was gone and he felt cold again, clammy sweat clinging to his clothes. His eyes refocussed and he saw Eddie smiling down at him. His heart fell right into his shoes.

“I killed It!”

_I am not letting Eddie die._

Richie didn’t think twice before he grabbed Eddie’s waist and roughly pulled him to the left, rolling them away from their previous spot. Eddie squeaked, but it was almost immediately drowned out by the sickening crunch that It’s claw had made when it connected with the rocks beneath where they had been. Richie let out a hiss as a searing burn travelled up his left side, and Eddie screamed Richie’s name up at him. His ears were ringing as he looked down and saw that It had gotten him and had ripped a massive slice into his left side.

“You saw too much, didn’t you Richie?” It’s voice taunted angrily and Richie squeezed his eyes shut, his arms giving out as he landed on top of Eddie, “It’s your turn to float.”

He felt numb as multiple sets of hands started grabbing him and picking him up, carrying him away from It’s range. The air tasted like copper in his mouth, or was that his own blood? He wasn’t so sure at this point. His side was flaring with pain and it took his entire being not to cry out in agony. He was willing it to go numb, but knew that that probably wouldn’t have been a good sign if everything started fading out around him. He was placed down as gently as possible in their panic, which was actually quite rough, and felt numerous sets of hands feeling around him for any more wounds. He let out a punched out cry when pressure was applied to the cut, and looked down to see Bill’s flannel bunched up and pressing on his side. 

“H-Hold it there, R-Rich!” Bill cried, and Richie lifted his heavy hand and planted it down on top of the piece of clothing, wincing and groaning when he forced himself to apply pressure. 

He could feel his own muscle, and it made him want to vomit, if puking his brains out wouldn’t have strained his side. The hands on him started to let up once they had determined that the gash was the only thing wrong with him, but one pair stayed. He felt a gentle, soft hand press on top of his own, and a matching one settle holding Richie’s head up, cradling the side of Richie’s face. 

“Hey, Eds.” Richie said quietly with a soft smile and he looked up at Eddie’s worried expression. The shorter man’s brows were furrowed together and he was scanning over Richie’s entire body, constantly stopping to stare at Richie’s side. It was bleeding a lot. _Better than being impaled._

“Hey, Rich. It’s, um, it’s not as bad as it looks, alright?” Eddie said, his lie so obvious that Richie’s smile widened. 

“Fuck, who am I kidding. But you’re gonna be alright, okay?” Eddie corrected and Richie lifted one of his hands off his wound to interlace with Eddie’s. Both their hands were soaked in blood at this point, but Eddie squeezed onto Richie’s hand like his life depended on it.

“How the hell do we kill this thing?” Mike asked, and Richie looked up at his friends who were trying to figure out what to do. Ben kept glancing at Richie anxiously and Richie just leaned his head more on Eddie’s hand.

“Fast. Richie needs to get the fuck out of here and to a hospital,” Eddie said, turning and looking up at them too. Suddenly, Eddie’s eyes cleared and a look of contemplation overtook his features, “Make it small.”

“What?” Bev asked and Eddie looked back up at all of them.

“When I was at the pharmacy and I saw the leper, I got so angry that I just attacked It. I choked It, but then It vomited all over me and I let go. But right before that, it felt real. It felt like I was actually hurting It.” Eddie rambled, but that was all Richie heard before he blacked out. He could still hear sounds, but everything was muffled, and fuzzy again. He was in so much pain.

“Richie!” Eddie’s scream slowly faded back into Richie’s brain and Richie opened his eyes with effort, meeting Eddie’s gaze. Eddie let out a relieved little laugh and rested his forehead on Richie’s chest, both hands still where they’d been last.

“Thank God, I thought you fucking died.” Eddie said with a smile, pulling his head back up. His smile broke the moment he met Richie’s eyes. Richie was wheezing with every breath he took, and didn’t have enough energy to pretend to be alright. His lips were parted and his eyes kept blinking slowly.

“Eddie…” he exhaled and Eddie’s eyes began to brim with tears. Eddie’s bottom lip quivered and Richie heard a far off scream from one of his friends. They were taunting It, from the sound of things.

“Go… help them…” Richie managed softly, his grip on Eddie’s hands slackening slightly. He didn’t have the strength to keep holding his hand. Eddie squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head rapidly back and forth, pulling his quivering bottom lip up between his teeth.

“No, no. I’m not fucking leaving you, Trashmouth. You saved my fucking life, you piece of shit,” Eddie said, tears starting to fall down his cheeks. Richie sighed softly, his breathing laboured. He could feel something pooling out of his mouth, and suspected from the coppery taste that it was his own blood.

“Please, Eds…” Richie said before coughing hard, turning his vision white with the effort. Eddie let out a strangled sob and squeezed Richie’s hand tighter. He furrowed his brow and sniffled, looking up at Richie with a look of determination on his face.

“Do not fucking die on me, Rich.” 

With that, Eddie stood up and ran over to join them. Richie tried to turn his head that had now fallen slack to the right, but found no strength to do so. The edges of his vision were turning black, and he suddenly felt incredibly warm. His hands fell slack at his sides and he fought off the urge to just stop taking breaths. Eddie asked him not to die, so he wouldn’t without Eddie there. 

The screaming stopped a few moments later, and the sound of four pairs of shoes clambering down towards Richie made his eyes turn to the right. Eddie’s hand was lifting Richie’s head back up again and Eddie smiled, his eyes full of tears again.

“We did it, Richie. Let’s get you out of here.” Eddie said with a wide grin and Richie tried to mimic one of his own, but barely quirked his mouth. He was ready to die now. His friends were standing nearby, crying to themselves too. He was so so warm, and breathing seemed pointless. He was in the arms of his first love. His _only_ love. Richie gulped thickly and looked at Eddie.

“Eds… t-the bridge…” Richie tried to say, but everything was getting blurry and his head burned.

“The bridge?”

“Kissing bridge… find my name… you’ll know… please, Ed…die…” Richie huffed out and Eddie started crying again, squeezing Richie’s hand painfully hard.

“Beep, beep, Richie. Fuck that, we’re getting you out of here and you can show me yourself,” Eddie said and turned around to look at his friends, “Fucking help me!”

“Eddie, the whole cave is about to collapse, we need to-”

“Fuck you, Bill, I am not leaving without him so fucking help me!” Eddie cried and Bev covered her mouth with her hand to suppress her sob.

“Eds… go…” Richie whispered and Eddie shook his head and wiped his eyes, standing up again. He put his hands underneath Richie’s armpits and pulled him up with all his strength.

“You’re not fucking dying in a shitty, gross cave with It. Fuck that.” Eddie said through his teeth as he began to drag Richie away. Richie let out a strangled croak at the pain of being pulled like this, and that was what sprang the other losers into action, finally helping Eddie carry Richie out of the cave. 

They managed to get out of the house just as it collapsed, and Eddie sprung into action grabbing his phone and calling for an ambulance as the other losers watched the house fall. The sun felt weird on Richie’s skin and he couldn’t really see its light, everything was shrouded in darkness. He heard the muffled sounds of an ambulance blearing in the distance over the ringing, and took comfort in Eddie’s gentle, shaking hands running through his hair.

Then everything went black.

\- 

Eddie was sitting completely still in the hospital waiting room, staring solemnly at a spot on the floor. It was green, and he couldn’t figure out what it was. Bill was pacing around, constantly checking his watch to see what time it was. Bev’s comforting hand reached out and squeezed Eddie’s shoulder, hoping to get him to look up, but Eddie’s gaze remained fixed on the floor. 

“I’m back! We’re back, has anything changed?” Mike’s voice sounded and Beverly and Bill looked over as him and Ben ran into the room. Bev shook her head, looking down into her lap as she played with an elastic band. Ben walked over to her and sat down, holding her hands in his own. She smiled halfheartedly up at him and he leaned over to kiss her temple. Eddie could see them out of his peripheral vision and chose to ignore the ache in his heart.

“He lost a lot of blood, the doctors haven’t come back out yet,” Bill said strongly, his stutter once again nearly gone after defeating It. 

“It’s been hours.” Ben pointed out and Eddie let out a shaky sigh, turning all of their heads towards him. He was still looking at the stupid green spot on the floor that he had deduced was paint, his eyes not wavering.

“Eddie, why don’t you head back to the motel and change? You’re the only one who hasn’t gone back. Take a shower, maybe even have a nap.” Bill suggested, but Eddie’s gaze remained fixed on the floor. Eddie had yet to go home, and was still covered in crusting, browning blood and filth. He was pointedly refusing to look at himself, in fear that the sight of Richie’s blood would make him sick.

“Hey,” Bev said softly, reaching out again to squeeze Eddie’s arm, “Eds,”

“Do not fucking call me that.” 

Bev flinched and pulled her hand away, shivering all over. His venomous tone burned like ice, and his gaze still never let the ground. The four other losers all shared a glance and Bill sighed, kneeling down on the floor at Eddie’s feet.

“Eddie, please. We’re all freaking out about Richie right now, we get it. But he doesn’t need you here smelling like sewage and covered in mud. What he needs from us is to remain strong for him. So please, let me take you back and get you cleaned up. We’ll come right back.” Bill said softly and hesitantly reached forward to take Eddie’s hands into his own. He felt his heart crack when he realized that his hands were shaking so harshly that he could barely hold them steady.

“I-I… I can’t leave him,” Eddie said quietly and Bill squeezed his hands tighter.

“You’re not leaving him, Eddie. We’re coming right back, okay?” Bill said again and Eddie finally looked up to meet Bill’s eyes, resigning himself and nodding slightly.

“Okay. We’ll be back in forty minutes, alright?” Bill confirmed and Eddie nodded again, letting Bill help him to his feet, his legs shaking. Mike, Bev and Ben watched on sadly as Bill guided Eddie slowly out of the waiting room, Eddie practically leaning on Bill.

“He’s breaking…” Beverly mumbled and Ben wrapped a protective arm around her, allowing her to lean her head against his shoulder.

“If Richie doesn’t wake up from his surgery I’m gonna kick his ass,” Mike grumbled, causing Bev and Ben to laugh. 

“He’ll wake up. He has to, he can’t leave us waiting like this.” Ben said, his eyebrows furrowed. Bev exhaled softly, nuzzling her head into Ben’s neck.

“I really hope you’re right.”

\- 

Eddie’s head hurt as he leaned it against the window of Bill’s car, but he barely had enough strength to pick it up. He felt like he was staring at nothing as Bill drove through Derry. The town was quiet, eerily so, the way it got sometimes unexplainably in the middle of the day. Eddie flinched as he felt Bill’s hand fall heavily on top of his own, squeezing Eddie in order to ground him in the present.

“You’ll feel way better once you take a shower, Eddie. I’ll make you a sandwich while you do, maybe you can take a ten minute nap as well.” Bill said with a fake smile, trying to reassure Eddie that everything was fine. Eddie nodded shallowly, squeezing Bill’s hand back. He appreciated the effort.

They turned a corner, and Eddie’s jumbled brain completely cleared, his head shooting up off the glass. The left turn ahead would lead them towards the kissing bridge. Eddie _had_ to get there, nothing else mattered.

“Turn left.” Eddie said strongly.

“What?” Bill asked, and Eddie turned to face him, eyes blazing.

“Turn left!” He demanded and Bill hit the brakes before they past the turn, swerving around the bend.

“Jesus, Eddie, what the fuck?” Bill asked, driving down towards the bridge. Eddie’s gaze stayed fixed on the bridge as it came closer into view, and he opened the car door suddenly, the car still moving. Bill slammed on the brakes, yelling Eddie’s name, but Eddie couldn’t hear him. He scrambled out of the car and ran over to the railing, his eyes searching the wooden board.

“Eddie, get back in the car!” Bill yelled, stepping out of the car himself to grab Eddie. Eddie’s vision was blurring with tears, as he searched frantically.

“He said to find his name. He said I’d know. But I knew I already knew. I can’t… I can’t find it Bill! I can’t remember! I-” Eddie had stopped short, his gaze fixed on a single carving in the wood. The single R+E was glaring right at him, and with a shaking hand, Eddie traced over it. He knew. 

He collapsed to his knees, sobs wracking his body as he clung to the bridge, one hand over the carving. He felt Bill’s hands on his shoulders, trying to shake him, before settling on wrapping around his shoulders and pulling him into a warm embrace.

Eddie knew.

\- 

Eddie felt a lot better an hour later, sitting again in the same spot in the waiting room. He’d taken a shower, changed his clothes, and had been force fed a ham and cheese sandwich by Bill. On the car ride back to the hospital, Eddie fell asleep against the window, and managed to get about ten minutes of rest before they arrived. 

He looked up when a doctor walked into the room, and waited for her to walk over to the other couple in the waiting room. When she made eye contact with him though, his heart began hammering in his chest, and he stood up immediately.

“Are you the family of Richard Tozier?” She asked politely, her voice calm and soothing. Eddie’s hands were shaking again as he looked at her, probably looking like a deer in the headlights.

“We are, yes.” Mike confirmed and she nodded, taking her surgical cap off her head. When she looked back up at them, there was a small smile on her face and Eddie felt his knees start shaking.

“He’s alive,” she said, her smile widening as all of them let out sighs of relief. All of them except Eddie, who knew better than to succumb to that relief without all of the details, “He’s asleep right now, and he lost a lot of blood, so he’ll be pretty out of it when he wakes up. I want to keep him here for a few days for observation, and in order to exchange his staples for stitches before we discharge him. But he will be okay.”

“Thank, God. Can we see him?” Bev asked, happy tears in the corners of her eyes.

“For the first while until he wakes up, I’d like to just keep it one at a time. After he does wake up and once we examine that he won’t get too overwhelmed with five people in the room, then we can allow your whole group in. For now, you may go see him one at a time. Visiting hours end at seven, so don’t take too long each.” She said, giving them each another smile. Her eyes lingered on Eddie, who still seemed absolutely terrified.

“I can bring you down to his room, update you on how the surgery went as we walk.” She said, not to anyone in particular, but her eyes kept flitting back to Eddie. The rest of the Losers kept doing the same, waiting for him to stop looking so on edge.

“Why don’t you go, Eddie?” Bill suggested and Eddie finally reacted, blinking rapidly before nodding. The doctor smiled, turning around to lead Eddie through the halls with her. Eddie completely zoned out of what she was saying, processing it unconsciously, but not paying much mind. The only thing that mattered was seeing Richie. None of this would feel real until he saw Richie.

“If he needs anything, or if he wakes up, just page us on his bedside remote, and I’ll come running, alright?” The doctor said and Eddie nodded, still silent. The doctor gave him a reassuring grin, squeezing his shoulder.

“I know this is a lot to process, especially considering the circumstances of how this all happened, but you can relax now, sir. He’s alive and stable and is showing great signs for a full recovery.” 

Eddie finally managed to look her in the eye, his eyes glassy with tears and he gave her a halfhearted smile. She patted his arm once more before turning around and walking back the way they came. Eddie reached out for the doorknob with his shaky hand and twisted it carefully, stepping into the room without looking up from the floor and shutting the door behind him. The rhythmic beeping of a heart monitor was the only sound Eddie could hear and he turned around slowly, finally looking up.

Richie still looked dead. He was pale as a ghost, his eyes shut tight, bandages all over his body. He looked exactly the same way he looked when the paramedics put him in the back of the ambulance, performing CPR on him as he slowly died. His glasses were missing, and Eddie felt a lump start to form in his throat. The only indication that Richie was alive was that heart monitor; Richie’s breathing was unnoticeable.

Eddie walked over, taking a seat in the chair next to Richie’s bed, his eyes raking over Richie’s form. Eyeing his hand, Eddie mustered up the courage and lifted his own, slowly bringing it to lower on top of Richie’s. The strangled sigh of relief that Eddie let out made his vision go blurry; he had no idea how long he’d been holding his breath. Richie’s hand was warm under his. He held onto it for dear life, leaning his head forward to rest on Richie’s wrist. He could feel Richie’s pulse on his forehead and he began to cry, a wide smile on his face.

“Don’t ever fucking do that to me again.” He exhaled, lifting his head. He brought Richie’s hand up in between his own, resting his forehead against their hands as if in prayer. If anyone thought he’d be letting go of Richie any time soon, they had another thing coming. Eddie would have to be pried out of the room.

\- 

Eddie woke again suddenly, his eyes having to adjust to the dark. There was a single lamp on in the room and Eddie rubbed his eyes with one hand, the other still holding Richie’s as he looked around. He was still in Richie’s hospital room, but it was clearly past seven. 

“Good morning, Eds.” A hoarse voice broke the silence and Eddie froze, turning to look at Richie. His eyes were open, the softest of smiles on his face as he looked at Eddie. Eddie smiled brightly, squeezing Richie’s hand once more before lunging forwards and pulling Richie into a hug.

“Whoa!” Richie said quietly and Eddie just let out a laugh of relief.

“We were all so worried, asshole.” 

“I guess dying can do that, huh.”

“Beep beep, Trashmouth.” Eddie said, pulling back with a smile and sitting back down in his seat. Richie was staring at him so warmly that it sent shivers down Eddie’s spine.

“I need to page your doctor!” Eddie exclaimed and Richie chuckled, grabbing his hand again to keep him rooted in his chair.

“I woke up two hours ago, she already came and saw me,” Richie explained and Eddie furrowed his brow. How long had he been asleep?

“Why didn’t you wake me?” He asked, searching the walls of the room for a clock.

“It’s three, Eds. And you seemed so tired, I thought I should let you rest.” Richie said, squeezing Eddie’s hand gently.

“_I_ need rest? This coming from the guy who almost _died_. Why the fuck are you awake?” Eddie asked, cocking an eyebrow at Richie who just laughed quietly.

“I just slept for the better part of eighteen hours. I’m not exactly that tired, Eds,” Richie said, adjusting his head on his pillow, “You, on the other hand, look like shit. Not that you’re not smoking on top of all that, but you look like Night of the Living Dead come to life. A full piece luggage set under your eyes.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Eddie said playfully, softly punching Richie’s shoulder, eliciting a giggle from Richie, “Why did they not kick me out when visiting hours ended?”

Richie shrugged, yawning softly, “No idea, when I woke up, you were here with a blanket on and there were those flowers over there. Courtesy of our fellow Losers, I presume.” 

Eddie turned to look at the table on the other side of the room, noticing the massive bouquet.

“It’s Derry though. I wouldn’t put it past anyone to say fuck the protocol, the small sleepy one can stay.” Eddie laughed, turning back around to face Richie.

“I’m 5’9 fuckface, you act like I’m three feet tall.”

“You’ll always be cute and fun-sized to me, Eds,” Richie said with a wide grin, causing Eddie’s cheeks to burn. Richie let out another yawn, rubbing his right eye harshly. Eddie frowned, stroking Richie’s hand with his thumb.

“Go to sleep, Rich. You look exhausted too,”

Richie looked at him for a moment, his eyes flitting between Eddie’s before nodding, shifting around a little bit to get more comfortable.

“Sleep here too?” Richie asked and Eddie smiled, nodding. He let go of Richie’s hand for a second to go and grab a spare pillow off the vacant bed in the room and brought it back over, setting himself up for as comfortable a sleep as possible in a plastic chair. He grabbed Richie’s hand again and leaned back, looking over at the curly haired man.

“Don’t ever leave me like that again.” Eddie whispered and Richie looked up at him, his eyes sparkling before he nodded.

“Promise.”

-

The Losers over the rest of the week slowly began to head home. Bill left two days after Richie woke up; his wife was waiting for him and he was certain he knew the best way to end his movie. Ben needed to get back to work, so he left a day after Bill, Bev following along. Mike was completely ready to leave Derry for good, and left once Richie was discharged from the hospital. But Eddie was refusing to leave Richie’s side, offering to fly with him back to LA.

“When’s our flight?” Richie asked, lounging on the sofa in the parlour of the inn. Eddie was struggling down the stairs with his two suitcases, having already brought Richie’s downstairs for him.

“Four o’clock, but I have to drop off my rental car beforehand.” Eddie called down, nearly tripping over his bag. Richie looked over at Eddie as he heard him grunt, smiling to himself as he watched the shorter man struggle.

“I can help you, you kno-”

“No! The doctor said you shouldn’t be straining your stitches, so you’re not going to lift a single thing,” Eddie cut him off and Richie shook his head, chuckling as Eddie finally managed to get down the stairs.

“It’s eleven right now, Eds, why are we leaving five hours early?” Richie asked, standing up off the sofa. Eddie rolled his eyes, stretching his back.

“Just in case, Rich. Now fucking take your bag, let’s go.” Eddie explained, rolling his two suitcases out of the building. Richie felt his heart warm as Eddie walked by and followed him out.

“Should we get some lunch before we leave?” Eddie asked as he got into the car, fastening his seatbelt and beginning his check of all his mirrors.

“Nah, let’s just get something to eat at the airport; I wanna get the fuck out of this shithole.” Richie said, wincing slightly as he bent down to get in the car. Eddie giggled, adjusting his rearview mirror one last time.

The drive was relaxing at first, Richie turned on the radio two minutes into the drive, despite Eddie’s complaints. Now they were sitting in silence, soft music bleeding out of the speakers that neither of them knew. Richie shut his eyes, leaning his head against the window and smiled, incredibly happy.

“Rich?” Eddie asked, and Richie peeked open one eye, looking over at him. Eddie seemed concerned about something, causing Richie to lift his head back up and fully look over at him.

“What’s up, Eddie Spaghetti?” Eddie scoffed, the faintest of smiles on his face. The smile was wiped away once he started thinking again.

“Why did you save me?” 

Richie was startled by the question, his eyes wandering over Eddie. Eddie was frowning as he gripped the steering wheel stronger. Eddie shook his head, clearing his thoughts.

“Sorry, not why as in you shouldn’t have. I’m glad you did,” Eddie explained and Richie calmed down slightly, “But you got really hurt. You could’ve died saving me, you almost did. I guess I’m just wondering why.”

“That’s a dumb question, Eds. Why wouldn’t I save you? You’re my best friend,” Richie said and Eddie chanced a glance over at Richie, who was smiling warmly at him, “I couldn’t just let you die. Who would I have left to make fun of?”

Eddie chuckled, returning his eyes to the road in front of him, “Beep beep, Richie.”

Richie laughed too, also turning back to the road. They were nearing the turn towards the kissing bridge and Richie smiled to himself softly, small enough so Eddie couldn’t see.

“I don’t regret getting hurt if in exchange it meant you lived.” Richie said wistfully and Eddie looked over at him, following his gaze to the right turn ahead. Suddenly, Eddie made the turn and Richie furrowed his brow, looking over at him. Eddie stopped the car next to the railing, leaning back in his seat.

“Why are we stopping?” Richie asked, his heart pounding in his chest. He had a feeling that he already knew.

“In the cave, when you thought you were gonna die, you told me to come here. To come find your name,” Eddie explained and Richie’s eyes widened, looking over at the wooden rail from his window.

“Well, I was pretty delirious, Eds. I, uhh… I can’t even remember telling you to come here. I don’t know why I would. C’mon Eddie, let’s hit the road.” Richie said shakily, praying that Eddie didn’t get out of the car. 

To his chagrin, Eddie unbuckled his belt and got out of the car.

Richie scrambled after him, trying to play it off as nothing as he started scanning the railing, looking for the old carving he’d made 27 years ago. Eddie just leaned his elbows on it and looked out into the forest beyond, a small smile on his face. Richie found his carving and copied Eddie, leaning directly against it to shield it from view.

“I used to walk by here all the time on my way home from the pharmacy. Ma told me that during the day it was safer to take the backroads rather than stay out on the busy streets. _Could get hit by a car crossing one of the roads, Eddie,_” he said with a small laugh, impersonating his mother’s squeaky voice. Richie smiled up at him, admiring the wonder in his eyes as he looked into the forest.

“I ended up taking this way almost everyday. I loved seeing the woods with the sunlight and hearing the birds. Hated the tunnel, but I loved it on this side. I used to look at all these carvings and wish that one day, I could put my name on here with someone,” Eddie said, looking over at Richie, his eyes soft, “You can stop lying on it, Rich. I came by here already when you were in the hospital.”

Richie felt his heart freeze. His breath got shaky as he stood up fully off of the railing, as if following Eddie’s command instinctually. He ran a hand through his hair, looking between Eddie and the carving.

“I’m sorry, Eddie. I’m so sorry. I get that this isn’t who you are, and I don’t want anything to change, okay? I just… I’m-”

“I got my memories back pretty much all at once,” Eddie cut Richie off and Richie turned to look at him bewildered, “I was missing bits and pieces, but I remembered you completely. And my mom and this bridge.”

“Eddie, what?” 

“I filed for a divorce against Myra before I even got on the plane to come here,” Eddie said suddenly, and Richie’s eyes widened. Eddie just laughed to himself, resting a hand on top of the carving, “I remembered my mother and how much I despised her for what she did to me. That’s when I realized that I’d married my fucking mother.”

“I wasn’t gonna say anything about that…” Richie mumbled and Eddie laughed loudly. When he’d calmed down, he stared at the carving, running his index finger along the R.

“I saw this everyday, Rich. I walked by everyday and saw these initials. And… God, _everyday_ I wished that they were ours.”

Richie felt fuzzy. He must’ve heard Eddie wrong, because there was no way Eddie had just said what Richie thought he said.

“…Seriously?” Richie asked quietly and Eddie turned around, looking Richie directly in the eyes and nodding strongly, his eyes brimmed with tears.

“I’ve loved you since I was twelve years old.”

Richie’s smile hurt his cheeks as he let out an exasperated laugh, tears welling in his own eyes. He reached out to Eddie tentatively and took his hand, watching Eddie take a step closer while analyzing their shoes.

“You almost died, and I got so scared that I’d never be able to tell you that,” Eddie said wetly, the tears in his eyes threatening to spill over. Richie’s heart was pounding out of his chest, squeezing Eddie’s hand tightly to try and ground himself in the fact that this was really happening.

“You’re not messing with me, right?” Richie asked, still smiling brightly. Eddie furrowed his brow and used his free hand to weakly punch Richie’s shoulder. He looked up at Richie, a small pout on his face.

“I’m not fucking messing with you,” Eddie said and Richie smiled impossibly wider. He finally realized how close they were standing now that Eddie had stopped moving closer and his eyes darted to look at Eddie’s lips. They were perfectly smooth, courtesy of Eddie clearly being afraid to have chapped lips and applying chapstick as often as needed. Eddie noticed his eyesight and smiled, squeezing Richie’s hand.

“I never thought this would happen,” Richie said, his other hand twitching to move itself up to cup Eddie’s cheek. He had to be cautious of his bandage, and he slowly lifted his hand, gently placing it against his cheek. Eddie took the smallest step forward at that, his cheeks turning pink, “I’ve loved you my whole fucking life, Eds.”

Richie swallowed the lump in his throat and started cautiously leaning down, watching Eddie angle his head up for Richie to reach his lips. Suddenly, the laughter of young voices reached Richie’s ears and he paused about an inch away from Eddie’s mouth. He looked up and over Eddie’s shoulder, noticing three kids on their bikes riding nearby. He wasn’t sure how Eddie would feel being kissed out in front of other people, so he moved his head back. Eddie turned around to see what Richie was looking at and sighed, spinning back around quickly.

“I don’t give a shit what people in this fucking town think of me anymore,” he said rapidly, before grabbing Richie by the back of his neck and pulling him down, kissing him hard. Richie was on cloud nine as Eddie started delicately moving his mouth against Richie’s and Richie shut his eyes, letting go of Eddie’s hand to wrap his arm around Eddie’s waist. He stroked Eddie’s cheek with his thumb, feeling Eddie smile into the kiss. He tasted like mint and his lips were just as soft as they looked. _Finally._

Eddie pulled away for breath a moment later, not letting go of the the back of Richie’s neck and his shirt that he’d balled up in his other hand. Richie was staring dazedly down at the top of Eddie’s head, grinning widely. Eddie looked up a moment later, smiling exactly the same way.

“Let’s get out of this fucking town, Eds.”

-

Eddie woke up shivering, his eyes so tired he could barely pry them open. He rubbed his left eye with one hand, yawning loudly as he sat up in bed, looking around the room. He spotted the reason for the cold almost instantly; the window in their room was open and the autumn breeze was blowing the curtains around. He sighed, grabbing another blanket off the foot of the bed and wrapping it around himself. He flopped down unceremoniously and rolled over, stretching out an arm. When he felt nothing, he looked up again. The right side of the bed was empty.

Frowning, Eddie got out of bed, keeping the blanket wrapped around himself. On his way to the door leading into the hallway, he shut the bedroom window and turned on the electric heater that sat in the corner of the room. He padded down the hallway quietly, turning into the living room. Richie’s mop of hair was visible over the top of the couch and Eddie smiled small, walking further into the room.

“‘Chee?” Eddie said quietly and Richie spun around, looking up at Eddie with wild eyes. He calmed almost immediately and reached out a shaking hand for Eddie’s, who granted his request immediately, allowing himself to be pulled forward. Richie pressed the back of Eddie’s hand against his cheek and sighed as Eddie turned it around to cup his face.

“Did I wake you?” Richie asked, looking up at Eddie who was now standing in front of him. Eddie smiled, shaking his head. Richie dropped his head to lean against Eddie’s stomach, and Eddie frowned.

“Bad dream?” Richie nodded. Eddie moved his hand to tangle in Richie’s hair, massaging his head comfortingly. He turned to look around the room and noticed an unopened letter on the couch next to Richie.

“Is that Stan’s letter?” Eddie asked and Richie nodded again, leaning back and picking up the letter. Eddie had resealed it after they read it, surprised at the fact that Stan had written their letters as one. He had always known that they were meant for each other. He kept it pristine in a frame in their office, up on the top shelf of their bookshelf. It was something special.

“I didn’t open it, but…” Richie trailed off, tracing Stan’s handwriting, “It makes me feel less fuzzy. Stan was always so blunt, so it makes me feel grounded, I guess.”

“You can open it if you want to, my love.” Eddie said and Richie shook his head, putting it down on the coffee table in front of him. His hands were shaking and Eddie frowned deeper; this dream was worse that the others.

“C’mon,” Eddie said, grabbing Richie’s hands to pull him up off the sofa. He dragged the taller man back down the hallway to their bedroom and sat him down gently on the bed, wrapping him up in the blanket he had been wearing. The room was warmer now, with the heater on and Eddie crawled into bed too, settling next to Richie as they lay face to face.

“Deadlights?” Eddie asked and Richie nodded, clutching the blanket tighter.

“It was all of you this time. But you kept replaying over and over again.” He explained and Eddie frowned, grabbing Richie’s hands and placing them over his own heart.

“Can you feel me speaking?” Richie nodded.

“Can you feel me breathing?” Nod.

“Can you feel my heartbeat?” Nod.

“I’m right here, ‘Chee. You’re right here with me, alright? No deadlights, no deaths. I’m right here next to you.” Eddie said and Richie nodded, shaking still. He quickly lunged forwards, wrapping Eddie up in his arms, pressing Eddie’s face into his chest. Eddie just wrapped Richie up too, relaxing into him. Richie leaned back a little to allow Eddie to look up at him, and kissed him softly, before pulling him close again.

“You’re here.”

“I am, and we're okay.” 

Richie shook his head, crying a little into Eddie's hair, "I don't feel okay, Eds."

Eddie pulled back again, frowning up at Richie. He wiped the tears off of Richie's face and pushed his hair off his forehead, leaning up and pressing a gentle kiss on it. Richie sighed shakily, clutching at the back of Eddie's shirt.

"But we will be, alright? It's gone for good, and we're all alive," Eddie said and Richie pressed his forehead against Eddie's, "We can call everyone in the morning and talk to them, okay?"

"Yeah, that sounds nice." Richie said, sniffling slightly. Eddie smiled up at him, knocking their foreheads a little before kissing Richie again, a little harder this time in order to ground him into the present.

"For now, let's go back to sleep, 'Chee," Eddie said after pulling back and Richie nodded, burying his face in Eddie's hair.

"I’m alive and I love you and I’m right here."

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I love them so much, and I wanted to write something for my poor heart to handle the pain.
> 
> Check out the rest of this fix-it series for more happy Reddie


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